As we step into February, the month often associated with love and romance, let’s pause to reflect on a love that transcends all others—the love you give to yourself. True self-love isn’t indulgent, nor is it simply about warm, inspirational words. It’s a deep, transformative practice that requires self-awareness, discipline, and the courage to accept every part of who you are.
What Is Self-Love?
Self-love is the conscious act of nurturing your whole being—mind, body, and spirit. Imagine being entrusted with a delicate living thing and asked to care for it so it may thrive and last a lifetime. How would you treat it? With patience, nourishment, protection, and care. Why, then, do so many of us fail to extend the same care to ourselves, because this body we’ve been given is essentially exactly the same concept!
Self-love isn’t about ego or selfishness. It’s about showing up for yourself every day with intention and kindness, recognising that you are the foundation upon which your life is built.
The Work of Self-Love
Philosophers and thought leaders have long explored the essence of self. True self-love begins with this awakening—a willingness to turn inward, acknowledge your light and shadow, and embrace both without judgment.
“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.” [Carl Jung]
Self-love means:
- Showing Up: Keeping promises to yourself. Whether it’s sticking to a morning routine, journaling, or simply taking time to rest, self-love requires action.
- Discipline: Setting boundaries, pursuing growth, and doing what’s right for your long-term well-being, even when it’s hard.
- Acceptance: Loving the whole of you—the good, the bad, the messy, and the magnificent.
- Healing: Taking the time to address trauma, regulate your nervous system, and let go of the stories that no longer serve you.
Wholeness Is Not Perfection
To love yourself is not to achieve perfection—it’s to achieve wholeness. In Eastern philosophy, balance is found in the duality of yin and yang, light and dark, joy and pain. Similarly, self-love is not about erasing flaws but integrating them into the beautiful mosaic of who you are.
Wholeness is embracing your story and stepping into the truth of who you are, complete and unapologetic.
Self-Love Is the Gateway to Love
It is only when you are whole—healed, balanced, and secure in yourself—that you are truly free to love and be loved. When you nurture your own well-being, you stop seeking validation from others. You no longer need someone else to complete you because you are already complete.
This does not mean shutting others out or rejecting love. Instead, it means approaching relationships from a place of abundance rather than lack. Your wholeness creates the foundation for love to flourish without dependence or fear.
“You can’t make homes out of human beings.”[poet, Warsan Shire]
The Practice of Self-Love
How can you cultivate self-love?
- Nourish Your Body: Feed yourself with care, move with intention, and rest without guilt.
- Expand Your Mind: Reflect, journal, and seek self-awareness. Therapy or meditation can guide you deeper.
- Protect Your Energy: Set boundaries and learn to say no without apology.
- Celebrate Yourself: Acknowledge your achievements, both big and small.
Above all, be patient with yourself. As self-love advocate Brianna Wiest reminds us,
“You do not have to become anything other than exactly who you are meant to be. Let yourself heal. Let yourself grow.” [Brianna Wiest]
A New Kind of Valentine’s Month
This February, let love begin with you. Celebrate your capacity to care for yourself, to honour your needs, and to thrive in your wholeness. For it is through this deep, unshakable self-love that all other love takes root.
Remember, you are both the caretaker and the creation. Treat yourself with the reverence you deserve. Only then will you discover the boundless freedom of true love.
Head into the month and be loved the whole month …. By the one who truly matters. YOU!